Since we will be eating Yummy and Juicy Turkeys today, I thought I should write about a Yummy and Juicy topic.
How do I handle my relationship and the World of Salsa?
It's a very fine line. Usually in the beginning of my Relationships the person of my interest already knows that I dance and find it alluring and piquant. As that person begins to see how involved I am in the dance, they view it as obsessive and time consuming.
Depending on how comfortable I am with that person I may ease them into certain Salsa events. As I look back, when I was not so comfortable I brought them to a straight up Salsa Congress and let them see 'hard core' how I ‘work it’. In some cases, It was a test to see if they really liked me and could survive in the environment.
Jadah for instance, was eased into the Salsa World. He made his first appearance at the Mambo Dinamico 8th Anniversary Celebration featuring the "Mambo King" Eddie Torres! He enjoyed himself BUT, he decided that he was not that thrilled with me dancing with Salseros Morenos. All the other dancers were ok but not los Morenos. It's been almost a year since then and we have come to an understanding. :-) Admittedly there is a different connection that exists but more importantly, you have to consider that African Americans only account for a fourth of the population in the Salsa World and less than that in the Triangle area.
This is only one example of the type of things that come up when you are a dancer dating outside the Salsa World. That is not to say that dating in the Salsa world is any easier, because it's not!
In my relationship, the main struggle has been to find balance. When you also add the fact that you are dealing with a long distant relationship, it adds a different dynamic as well. I teach and dance during the week and see Jadah on the weekends. Well every weekend there is a social that I would not mind going to, to support and mostly to have fun. Let's just say I don't have the chance to do that. If I want to maintain my relationship I need to at times put my man first and Salsa dancing for fun takes a back seat.
Common issues/ statements that come up while Dating and Salsa Dancing:
-“You were dancing too close…”
-“I don’t like you dancing Bachata with that person.”
-“Why do you dance sexier with certain people more than other?”
-“How many exes do you have in the Salsa World?”
-“How many Salseros/as try to pick you up after a night of dancing?”
These comments are just to name a few. Feel free to add any others….
Why do you dance sexier with some people than others? I didn't think Jadah was watching us dance! 8/
ReplyDeleteTony
'Mila :-)
ReplyDeleteGreat article!!! I know you and I have probably talked in person about this, but out of support for my fellow salsa blogger, I'ma drop my .50 on this ;-)
Yeah, this is always going to be an issue for salsa dancers. Heck, it can even be an issue when BOTH people involved are dancers. The only thing I can really say about this is that the most important thing for this situation is communication. That's a must for any relationship, but still.
I've been single for all of my salsa career, so I haven't been able to put what I'm about to say into practice yet, but whomever I end up with next is going to know EXACTLY what she's getting into with me. I won't leave anything up for assumption. I'm going to make it clear to her that while I'm not going to put salsa before her, that salsa was HERE BEFORE her. She has to understand that it's not just my "dancing thing", nor is it just a phase that I'll eventually grow out of. I may eventually grow out of it, but at my own leisure, not because of some ultimatum she gives me.
It's funny you mentioned that in your past relationships, salsa is part of what initially sparked the guy's curiosity and interest, but was also what eventually caused concern with them. I am a firm believer that if someone truly loves you, they will love all of you. Ok, maybe they don't have to love salsa, or whatever a person's passion is, but they have to be willing to accept that part of your life. I've heard so many stories of dancers (mainly salseras) who are passionate about the dance; yet, as soon as they get a non-dancer boyfriend who's even the slightest bit insecure, they vanish from the scene for the duration of the relationship. And if you ever do see them out, they're posted up by the bar w/ their S.O. and they give you some awkward vibe that says "don't approach me to dance", or trying fruitlessly to teach them the salsa basic on the side. You eventually see them come back, and you just know they broke up. Ok, I rambled off on a tangent for a sec, but my point is that you shouldn't give up what makes you attractive --or for that matter, what makes you YOU-- for someone. If it turns out they don't like it after a while, they didn't like/love you enough in the first place.
Aiight, so I may have have put more than .50 in. You can keep the change :-) I wish you and Jadah the best.
El amor, la paz y SALSA
Myron
"Smoove"